Done with polyamory, until the next time.

It has been a drawn out affair with Butterfly. Beginning with the torrid first dates, then the uncertainty, then the heartbreak. Despite our uncertain future, Butterfly wanted to continue to 'date', so 'date' we did.

We went out for lunches and dinners. We took a salsa dancing class together and later went to a cuban friend's "Salsa and Sangria" party and got drunk. We txt'd and im'd and called. Every hour I spent with Butterfly, the more I liked her, the more time I wanted to spend with her, the more I wanted to have her naked in my bed. It was intoxicating and maddening.

Finally, one night Butterfly invited me to join her and a friend for drinks and live blues at a local bar. Her 'friend' was a girl she had met on okcupid. (on their first date, Butterfly brought her to a party at my house, where they spent two hours fucking in my bed)  Despite the fact that Butterfly was on a date with another girl, yet inviting me to come along, I agreed. By this point, our 'dating' had become mostly platonic: a quick lunch or coffee when she was downtown, going to a party with a group of friends, nothing romantic. I actually preferred being 'just friends' to the romantic limbo we were in previously. Joining Butterfly and her girl for drinks was just to get me out of the house, and I appreciated the invitation.

Butterfly looked fantastic, of course. She loved wearing slinky sundresses, and i'm sure everyone loved her wearing them. Both girls were drinking and flirty. We had a pleasant time chatting and people watching. At one point we were all admiring a beautiful woman wearing a bright red dress with absolutely enormous breasts. Wanting to see how she would respond, I whispered to Butterfly "I'll give you ten bucks if you go pick up on Boobs over there." I should have known better than to give her a challenge, more so to put money on it. She replied "How about if I make out with her? You pick up the tab tonight?" After a quick calculation, I figured the chance to see Butterfly on the prowl was totally worth it. "You are on" I said with a smile and a handshake. Within a minute, Butterfly was with Boobs at the bar, laughing together, touching flirtingly...way too easy for her. After talking for a few minutes, Butterfly returned with a fresh drink. "Thanks for buying our drinks tonight!" she said with a naughty smile and kissed my cheek. "Hold on, there was no kissing" I replied. "Oh honey, just wait..." she giggled.

I don't think Butterfly realized how attractive her confidence and open sexuality were to me. I just sat there with a smile, but there was an ache inside.

Soon, Butterfly and her girl were on the floor dancing together, touching, kissing...unaware, I think, of the show they were putting on. Butterfly noticed me watching and waved at me to join them. Not needing much encouragement, I quickly finished my drink and made my way over. A couple songs later, Butterfly noticed that Boobs had found her way to the dance floor near us and immediately approached. It was a sight to see, her confidence, walking up to an obviously straight woman and without a word starting to dance with her close and sensually. If she had any reservations, Boobs didn't show it as Butterfly pulled her close and kissed her slowly. It wasn't a long kiss, but by the way Boobs raised her hand to Butterfly's cheek, I could tell it was a good one. The song ended and Butterfly left Boobs to walk back to us, obviously very pleased with herself. "I think I need another drink, what can I get you two?" she teased.

The final straw for me, however, was when Butterfly pulled me onto the floor for a slow dance. She held me close, nuzzled my neck, danced like we were lovers. It was just what I wanted. It was too much for me to bear. After the song was done, I lied and said I was tired and needed to leave. Paid our tabs, and left with a quick goodbye.

I just can't do this to myself anymore. At best, all I will end up with is disappointment, the worst, heartbreak. There is really nothing I can do. I don't want to hope that she gets a divorce. Even if she did divorce, I don't want to be a reason. The next day I ended things with Butterfly. She was sweet and understanding, she cried a little. I miss her. C'est la vie, right?

Unexpected Heartbreak

It's perfectly cliche. We spent only a matter of hours together yet they were not to be forgotten any time soon.

Butterfly had me hooked inside five minutes. We were writing each other "wish you were here" messages the next morning. I was thinking about her every other moment. I told you...cliche. But it didn't matter.

Our second date was to be lunch in the city. Instead I suggested we pick up fancy cheese and fruit and head up the canyon in her borrowed jeep. It was one of those photograph moments: her hair blowing, sundress riding up her legs while she worked the clutch, as we drove in the warm sunshine. At the top we found a semi-secluded spot for a blanket and I rolled a j with some strawberry cigar papers Butterfly found somewhere. We talked, she caressed my leg as I spread gouda on crackers.
She sat on my lap and we kissed like lovers. She undid the top of her dress and put my mouth to her breasts. My hands were on her naked ass and I touched her like a lover does. I wanted to be her lover more than anything at that moment. The feeling was obviously mutual, but we knew it couldn't happen, not yet. The moment passed, we straightened our clothes and lay together in the sunshine.

That night, with butterfly's prompting, I wrote her husband an email to explain my situation, my feelings, and my intentions. It was very honest, insightful and considerate. I had high hopes that it would be well received, but was left with a nervous uneasiness, especially when he did not respond. First one day, then two. Finally the third day he replied.

It was a near complete rejection of everything I wanted. He was jealous, depressed, uncomplimentary, not at all what I expected or hoped. He was not comfortable with me dating butterfly, in fact, he wasn't comfortable with butterfly dating at all. The most he would accept was becoming platonic friends. I was crushed. Butterfly was crushed. She apologized over and over, saying she would talk to him. It didn't matter. Without his approval or at least acceptance, things would not work between us.

Before the reply, I accepted butterfly's invitation that night to shoot pool and drink some beers with her and her hubby. I was sorely tempted to cancel outright but reconsidered. I didn't want him to think I was shallow and selfish. The bar wasn't full and the pool shooting was uneventful, besides butterfly's flirting and touching driving me crazy. I wasn't sure I should return the favor in front of her man, hours after naming me persona non grata. It got worse when she talked us into watching a movie, where she rubbed my leg with her foot the entire time and put her hand under the armrest to grab my ass. After the movie, butterfly invited me back to her house to get high and hang out, but I just couldn't accept. Being high and horny and potentially alone with her would not end well. Instead, I went home to get high and have my own pity party, complete with crying through the end of a sappy movie.

I'm now in a weird limbo with butterfly; in between lovers and friends, without roadmap to get anywhere. I really have no experience to rely upon here. With regular (non-poly) dating, I always know the right play, as I've been there before and know what to expect. With this new dynamic, i'm in uncharted waters and feel like i'm blundering forward, sure to make a mess of things. The only thing I can rely on is my own feelings...and those are changing and developing day by day.

Right now, I'm not sure this endeavor is worth the effort. Even at my most optimistic, I'd give 20% odds of having a fulfilling relationship with butterfly. I certainly appreciate the time we have spent together. It has been something I never expected and will never forget.

I think i'm ready to date a hot dumb girl for a little bit.

Life gets crazy

I find myself in an interesting situation. I've started seeing a fantastic girl, i'll call her butterfly. She's smart, gorgeous, sexy, witty, totally into me...and she's married.
I knew before we met that she was in an open relationship. She had explained it in her okCupid profile, so I entered this eyes-open. My problem now is I really like this girl. We could have a great time together, only if her husband gives her the ok...

I have no problems with open relationships at all. In fact, i've always thought i'd eventually meet a fantastic woman i'd settle down with and we'd have some form of open relationship to keep things interesting. I just didn't think i'd ever be on the outside, trying to get in. I also would have never guessed how much I could like this girl.

It was amazing chemistry from the second she walked into the bar when my first though was "oh. my. god. she is fucking gorgeous!". 5'11" with unbelievable legs, wearing a slinky sundress, stilettos and a flower in her hair; she was stunning, and just my type. The conversation was easy and engaging. We drank and flirted shamelessly. I'm sure everyone in the bar could see the sparks. I suggested a dance club nearby as I wanted an excuse have her body against mine. She clearly wanted it as well and practically dragged me out of the bar. At the club, we danced pressed together, slow and sexy. Talking and flirting and touching, it was amazingly sensual. The club closed and as we walked, it was obvious both of us wanted to get the other naked and do amazing things together. It would have been amazing. Would have been, because butterfly's arrangement with her husband requires prior approval before either of them sleeps with someone new. We respected her rules, but putting her in the car with just a kiss was an amazing test of will power (for both of us).

So, now i'm in this weird limbo. I want so badly to just dive in with this girl and enjoy the ride, but I can't. I have to take things slowly, get to know this guy and try to convince him i'm worthy of his wife's admiration (and her sex). It's an interesting situation, having to court two people to date one of them. I'm used to having only to worry about my feelings and hers. I'm pretty good at that actually. I am totally at a loss when it comes to persuading another guy to let me sleep with his wife. I'm fully aware of how absurd that statement is.

Honestly, if it were any other girl, it would not be worth the hassle. She might be worth it. It's freaking me out.