Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Unrequested, yet somehow necessary sex advice...part 1

I was conversing with a buddy of mine about our sex lives, as we are wont to do, and he told me about a woman he had been having relations with. This woman had been in a 4 year relationship and had NEVER had an orgasm during sex with her guy.

I was floored. First, what kind of guy doesn't do whatever it takes to get his girl off? Second, what kind of girl is content to fuck a guy for 4 years and never come?
If this was the first time I had heard something like this, I could just write it off. But in the past couple years, I have heard similar stories over and over from women.

Now, I didn't start this blog to be an advice column, mostly because I don't expect anyone to actually read this garbage. Also, no one should take advice from me. However, this is my blog, so you cyber-stalkers are gonna get it.

Rule 1)
Men, making sure your woman really enjoys fucking you is in your best interest.

Except in rare circumstances, every woman can enjoy sex and can achieve orgasm. If your woman is not having a toe-curler on a regular basis, you need to work with her and figure that shit out.
To state the obvious: The more your girl enjoys the sexy time with you, the more she will want to put out.
You may think you are content with a three minute grunt-fest once a week, but wouldn't you rather have your girl asking you for it? If she is showing you her O face every time you hook up, she'll be in the mood all the time.

If your girl can't answer "Very Satisfied" to the question "How much to you enjoy sex with your guy?", there are two places I suggest you put your focus:

First, Learn to love that cunnilingus.
I hear over and over from women how most men either don't go down or they suck at it. Believe me, giving good head is gonna get you more sex than any other bedroom skill.
You can suck at just about everything else, but if you can eat good pussy, that's what she'll be telling her girlfriends about the next day.

The corollary to going down is learning how to fuck your girl the way she likes to be fucked.
I'm sure there are a few Don Giovannis out there who were born with natural talent, but most of us have to learn the hard way. The easiest way to do this is to ask her. This may be obvious, but apparently plenty of you guys are stupid. Just fucking ASK HER! Believe me, she knows much better than you do what works for her and what doesn't.

Before you get busy, maybe while you are talking about sex or sexting or something like that, just tell her, "you know, babe, I'd love it if you gave me tips when we are having sex. I love getting you off".
She'll think it's sexy or sweet or whatever and you'll get points for just saying it.  But then, next time you have your head between her thighs, ask her if she likes what you are doing. She'll know you really meant it and hopefully she'll be comfortable enough to give you an honest answer, even if it's "I liked what you were doing before better". Tuck that tidbit away and get back in there.

Another trick that has worked for me is giving your girl signals she can use in the heat of passion.
For example: have her tug on your ear a little bit when she wants you to change things up, then play with your hair when she wants you to keep doing whatever you are doing. These non-verbal cues work great because you don't have to interrupt the action.

If you and your girl are really serious about improving your sex, you should suggest "sex practice".  I've used this particular tactic several times to great success.
"Sex Practice" is really just sex (don't tell her), except labelling it "practice" gives you both license to talk about what you are doing, make suggestions, try new things, even make mistakes. You can't do anything wrong because it's just "practice"!
Try texting your girl that you are coming home at lunch for some "sex practice" and note her response. She will be waiting with bells on.

If I was a real blogger, I could devote a whole entry to "sex practice". Since i'm not, I probably won't, but you get the idea.

In short, whatever you do to improve your woman's pleasure is worth the effort.

Rule 2 is for the ladies...to be continued.


  1. saw you post a comment on Sex and the Shitty...liked your name and popped on over...

    I just spent the afternoon catching up and reading all your posts (my boss will not be pleased!)

    love your style...I will be back for more ;)

  2. Is it bad that I have zero sympathy for this woman or any women like her? I think if you're going to let a guy stick his penis in and/or around any of your apertures you should tell him exactly how to do it. Don't get me wrong, the guy is an asshole for being so nonchalant about not getting his girl off. But still, 4 years? She's nuts.

  3. Angelica, I blame society! Ok, maybe just parents.
    But seriously, sex is such an important part of life as an adult, why do we, as a society, make it a taboo topic for learning and discussion?
    I think it should be a parental responsibility to prepare children to have healthy sex lives by the time they leave home. But that's one man's opinion.