Friday, May 27, 2011

Unrequested, yet somehow necessary sex advice...part 2

Women, you need to take responsibility for your orgasms.

For the most part, guys don't really know what the fuck they are doing when it comes to pleasing a woman. You can't really blame them.
Society places higher value in teaching men how to build shitty birdhouses and shoot free-throws than how to make a woman come. To make things worse (at least in the US) there's a taboo about talking about sex in general, forget about talking about the gritty details. Despite this lack of instruction, men are expected to be a proficient lover and become the target of scorn if they aren't. As a result, most men fumble along, learning a trick or two, but mostly only getting good enough that women are willing to open up the gates every now and again.

There isn't much women can do to remedy this situation, at least with the generation of men they are fucking.
I figure you have two options if you want O's on the regular:
A) Teach your guy how to fuck you properly.
B) Take charge during sex and make sure you get yourself off.

Although both of these options seem easy enough to accomplish, you can't forget there is another ego involved here....his. Because of lack of training, societal expectations, or whatever else, most men have a very fragile ego when it comes to sex. See how it goes next time you are in bed with your guy, you blatantly inform him that you want to take charge because he's not doing it right. You'll be able to watch his wood disappear.
Right or wrong, you have to deal with it and take it easy with him.

First, I don't think you should ever bring up this topic *during* sex. Too much pressure and room for misunderstanding. Turn a casual conversation about sex into "what have you always wanted me to do in bed?" You can always propose sex practice, like I suggested to men. What guy is gonna turn down that proposition?
The non-verbal feedback suggestion works as well for women as it does for men. Just keep the conversation framed as "tell me what you like and what turns you on" not "I want better sex". Otherwise, it'll be hard to keep him from thinking "she doesn't think i'm good enough in bed". Do a good job with this conversation and you'll get to 'practice' immediately.

After talking in broad strokes about what you like and what you want him to do, you need to give feedback. Of course, the best time for most feedback is in the moment. Again, using a predetermined non-verbal queue for when you like what he's doing makes this easy. Sometimes, you just need to tell him what to do: "in a bit more, now curl your finger. Feel that, right there? g-spot!" If you keep it positive and complimentary, he'll enjoy the feedback instead of feeling criticized.

Last tip: After sex is done, (minutes or hours later) stroke his ego. As long as it's sincere and not to effusive, it'll work to give him confidence and reassure him that your tips are not a critique.

Ladies, there is no reason why you can't have great sex on the regular, especially if you have a willing guy. Don't be another one of the women I hear about who never has orgasms. Take charge and help yourself out.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Dirty Story #1

DirtyGirl and I ended up at bar one night this winter. It was a bit of a drive from her place but was in a resort and had fantastic character: good crowd, great bar staff, quality drinks, and a patio with a fire.
It was quickly obvious that Dirty was a regular. For the first hour, Dirty introduced me to guy after guy she knew. Each one would give her a gropey hug, kiss her cheek, grab her ass, some all three, while obviously ignoring my presence until Dirty introduced me.  Most were douchey, a couple were gay, but as each one shook my hand I thought "enjoy that ass grab...she'll be fucking me tonight while you are jerking off thinking about it".

Side bar:
Why do girls dig douchebags? No motivation, no money, no fashion sense. All they have are muscles, insecurities, shitty attitudes, and the ability to drink a shit-ton of booze. I don't understand. Maybe one of you girls can explain.

Back to the story:
Post d-bag parade, I bumped into RichieRich, a charming and a bit chubby guy I met with TheRebound.  He was *very* well off, (hence the name) was a big partier, and had an amazingly hot russian fuck buddy (oh my god, her ass...)
I introduced Dirty and Richie gave me a huge smile and a pat on the back "Well done dude, she is smoking hot!" plenty loud enough that Dirty could hear. His game was on!
After explaining how I knew him (Dirty was intrigued), Richie proceeded to re-tell the story of the night we met: swinger website 10pm, drinking 11:30, hotel suite 2am, hot tub 2:30, fucking 3-5am, (oh my god, her ass...)
Richie pulled out a picture of his russian girl...Dirty fucking knew her! They had met at a halloween party a couple months previous. "God, she has the best body!" Dirty practically screamed, "I kept grabbing her ass!" (I told you about the ass...)
Richie ordered drinks and continued to charm Dirty. Before he had ordered the second round, Dirty was hooked, line and sinker. Richie nonchalantly mentioned a hot tub and Dirty's face lit up "Take us, lets go!" A few minutes later we were following Richie's $250k merc into the neighborhood of vacation homes behind the resort.  We got out in front of one of the larger houses and Richie whispered "The hot tub is in the back, but it looks like my buddy is asleep. Try not to wake him up."

Richie opened a side door and let us into a barely lit entryway, the rest of the house completely dark. "Wait a sec, let me go see if my buddy is even here" he whispered and headed down a flight of stairs. Just as Richie disappeared, the sound of a door opening behind us caused Dirty and I both to turn. Walking out of a bedroom down the hall was a short, curvy brunette with absolutely enormous breasts, wearing nothing but a man's dress shirt. Halfway down the hall she noticed us and stopped, surprised "oh! sorry!" she covered a smile with the floppy cuffs of the shirt, "I'm headed to the bathroom!" and darted in another door, closing it behind her.
Not knowing what else to do, Dirty hugged my arm and we quickly headed down the stairs into the dark after Richie, whispering his name as loud as we dared. Richie appeared out of the dark and we explained that we had just been surprised by a half-naked woman in the entry way. "Short with huuuge boobs?" Richie asked, and after our confirmation stated "oh good, i'm glad she's here!" with a big smile, "The hot tub is this way." and led us to the back of the house where he turned on some outdoor lights, illuminating the hot tub.

"You guys get your clothes off," Richie said as he handed us two towels, "I'll go find more of these."
Dirty looked at me with a quizzical smile, shrugged, and started to disrobe. We were naked except for towels when Richie returned (well, I had shoes on still. There was snow on the path to the hot tub!) He was followed by the busty brunette who introduced herself as a friend of Richie's. (The way she said "friend" suggested they were much more) Since she was already practically naked, Busty led Dirty and I out to the hot tub while Richie undressed.

Busty explained that she was here with the guy who watched the house, but he was passed out downstairs. She had been trying all night to get him to fuck her, but he was too shy or nervous and had drunk himself into a stupor before she succeeded...she was horny! "Richie says you guys are swinger friends of his?" Busty asked easily. Dirty laughed and a bit uncomfortably said, pointing at me, "He is...was...whatever..." dropped her towel and hopped into the enormous glowing hot tub.

The girls weren't shy and immediately started talking about the guy passed out in the basement, discussing why he didn't want to fuck Busty, and what she should try next time to seduce him. The discussion quickly turned to Busty and Dirty complimenting each other's bodies, which attributes they wish they had, how much they like each other's boobs, etc. and in a flash they were feeling each other up, grabbing asses and doing dances for each other. Richie and I, of course, were content to listen and watch, passing knowing smiles back and forth. Soon enough, we were invited to feel boobs and asses as well as asked for commentary. Richie just went for it and soon had his mouth roaming between the four nipples, the girls loving it.

After a few minutes, Busty hopped out of the tub and ran to the house to break off one of the enourmous icicles that was hanging off the eaves. She ran back with a squeal and exclaimed "look what I found!" as she splashed back into the tub. "Doesn't this look like a big cock?" Busty said as she broke off the point and rounded the edges in the hot water. "You want to try it first?" Busty asked Dirty, who said nothing but smiled as she accepted the diy dildo. The ice disappeared under the bubbles for a second and then Dirty's expression changed to one of shock mixed with pleasure. "oh my god, this is weird...good but weird. Here, you try!" Dirty passed the melting ice back to Busty. Soon we were taking turns running to the house to retrieve new pieces of ice to replace those melted by pussy and hot water. The girls took turns fucking themselves, then each other, then passing the ice to us to fuck them both. After the ninth or tenth icicle had melted, the girls were ready for something warm inside them and invited us to take turns with fingers, tongues and more. It didn't take long until we were all ready to move the party inside, so we grabbed towels and sprinted through the snow, giggling and laughing the whole way.

Inside, it didn't take long until we were back to taking turns, a mess of naked drunk bodies. After we had exhausted ourselves, Busty realized how late it was (or early?) and dressed, said her goodbyes and left.
Richie gave us a quick tour of the house where we discovered the Shy Guy sobering up in the "den"; A large, yet intimate room with a couple leather couches, a pool table, an enormous micro-suede luv sack (which Shy Guy was sleeping in) a stone fireplace with a glowing fire, and the pièce de résistance, a fucking bear skin rug, complete with growling grizzly bear head. Dirty and I were introduced and Shy became a welcoming host, turning on music, stoking the fire, and pouring tequila shots. We lounged by the fire, drinking and chatting for an hour until Richie decided he needed to call it a night. I was exhausted as well, and after bidding Richie a good night, found a bed and collapsed, leaving Dirty in the company of ShyGuy and a bottle of tequila.

After a couple hours of drunken, restless attempting to sleep, I decided to check on Dirty.
As I entered the den, I was met with a scene straight from a movie. Amos Lee swooning in the background, room lit only by the dying fire, Dirty and Shy Guy...naked in the middle of the bear skin rug... be continued

Monday, May 23, 2011

An Award?

I'm now going to become a stat-whoreing asshole, just a warning.

Another sex/dating blogger gave me an award. 
I don't know what it means or what i'm supposed to do with it, but now i'm feeling very self-conscious about the shit I put up here. 
Someone puts a foil star sticker on my forehead and now I have to maintain some sort of standard to prove I deserve the fucking foil star?! The real problem with this bullshit is it totally made my day, so i'll play along.

Elle is a sexual predator across the pond who has been posting fantastic stories of her conquests and adventures. (and got me hooked on twitter - she's @ldn_citygirl)
She totally deserves this, whatever it is.

May this mess with her as much as it did with me!