I find myself in an interesting situation. I've started seeing a fantastic girl, i'll call her butterfly. She's smart, gorgeous, sexy, witty, totally into me...and she's married.
I knew before we met that she was in an open relationship. She had explained it in her okCupid profile, so I entered this eyes-open. My problem now is I really like this girl. We could have a great time together, only if her husband gives her the ok...
I have no problems with open relationships at all. In fact, i've always thought i'd eventually meet a fantastic woman i'd settle down with and we'd have some form of open relationship to keep things interesting. I just didn't think i'd ever be on the outside, trying to get in. I also would have never guessed how much I could like this girl.
It was amazing chemistry from the second she walked into the bar when my first though was "oh. my. god. she is fucking gorgeous!". 5'11" with unbelievable legs, wearing a slinky sundress, stilettos and a flower in her hair; she was stunning, and just my type. The conversation was easy and engaging. We drank and flirted shamelessly. I'm sure everyone in the bar could see the sparks. I suggested a dance club nearby as I wanted an excuse have her body against mine. She clearly wanted it as well and practically dragged me out of the bar. At the club, we danced pressed together, slow and sexy. Talking and flirting and touching, it was amazingly sensual. The club closed and as we walked, it was obvious both of us wanted to get the other naked and do amazing things together. It would have been amazing. Would have been, because butterfly's arrangement with her husband requires prior approval before either of them sleeps with someone new. We respected her rules, but putting her in the car with just a kiss was an amazing test of will power (for both of us).
So, now i'm in this weird limbo. I want so badly to just dive in with this girl and enjoy the ride, but I can't. I have to take things slowly, get to know this guy and try to convince him i'm worthy of his wife's admiration (and her sex). It's an interesting situation, having to court two people to date one of them. I'm used to having only to worry about my feelings and hers. I'm pretty good at that actually. I am totally at a loss when it comes to persuading another guy to let me sleep with his wife. I'm fully aware of how absurd that statement is.
Honestly, if it were any other girl, it would not be worth the hassle. She might be worth it. It's freaking me out.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The downside to casual relationships
I should start off by stating that I realize I have a pretty fucking amazing life.
Besides the fact that just being american puts me near the top of the pile, standard of living-wise, I have very, very little to bitch about. I have a great job that pays frankly an absurd amount of money for the work I do. I have great family and friends. I'm tall, handsome, and fit enough to attract plenty of ladies. I really do have it made. So don't think for a minute that i'm complaining, cause i'm not. This is mostly just an observation.
I date a lot of women, and have sex with most of them (and even a few I don't date) but for the last couple years, every single one of those relationships has been "casual". The closest I have been to a serious relationship is introducing Dirty to my parents, and that was only because we were vacationing in the same hotel.
However, I am always open and honest with every woman about what i'm interested in. They all know from the beginning that I am not gonna settle down and be anyone's boyfriend. Hell, I never even hint I am interested in being exclusive. I'm interested in easy, fun, drama-free flings. Obviously, plenty of women aren't interested in such a 'relationship', but I haven't had much trouble finding plenty of women who are...or who are for a while...
Every good thing comes to an end, and for me, they end one of three ways:
1) dumped for the new boyfriend
This is the easiest for me. I completely understand that i'm often her stand-by, to be dropped once something better comes along. I am perfectly ok with this. The beauty of a no-commitement fling is the no-commitment. Luckily, it usually ends with well-wishes for her new relationship and thanks for the great times.
2) dumped for the prospect of a boyfriend
Though this is understandable in theory, in practice, it doesn't make sense to me. I understand wanting a boyfriend, and I understand needing to be available to find one. But, hooking up with me on a semi-regular basis is not going to prevent you from meeting your next boyfriend...Unless you tell every guy you go out with you are hooking up with another guy on a semi-regular basis.
3) dumped because she wants more, or having to do the dumping.
Honestly, this one sucks. Unrequited feelings can be really hard to get over. I know this from experience and try to prevent this situation be being honest and open. It does not work. Some women hear me say, "I don't want to get serious, this is just a fling" but still think they will win me over. If they stick around long enough, or if they totally play it cool, or if they do this or that, i'll change my mind and settle down with them. When it doesn't happen, they get hurt. Sometimes they go quietly. Sometimes not so quietly. Either way, she feels hurt.
In the end, though, it doesn't matter how they leave. They all do, and I miss every one when they are gone.
Besides the fact that just being american puts me near the top of the pile, standard of living-wise, I have very, very little to bitch about. I have a great job that pays frankly an absurd amount of money for the work I do. I have great family and friends. I'm tall, handsome, and fit enough to attract plenty of ladies. I really do have it made. So don't think for a minute that i'm complaining, cause i'm not. This is mostly just an observation.
I date a lot of women, and have sex with most of them (and even a few I don't date) but for the last couple years, every single one of those relationships has been "casual". The closest I have been to a serious relationship is introducing Dirty to my parents, and that was only because we were vacationing in the same hotel.
However, I am always open and honest with every woman about what i'm interested in. They all know from the beginning that I am not gonna settle down and be anyone's boyfriend. Hell, I never even hint I am interested in being exclusive. I'm interested in easy, fun, drama-free flings. Obviously, plenty of women aren't interested in such a 'relationship', but I haven't had much trouble finding plenty of women who are...or who are for a while...
Every good thing comes to an end, and for me, they end one of three ways:
1) dumped for the new boyfriend
This is the easiest for me. I completely understand that i'm often her stand-by, to be dropped once something better comes along. I am perfectly ok with this. The beauty of a no-commitement fling is the no-commitment. Luckily, it usually ends with well-wishes for her new relationship and thanks for the great times.
2) dumped for the prospect of a boyfriend
Though this is understandable in theory, in practice, it doesn't make sense to me. I understand wanting a boyfriend, and I understand needing to be available to find one. But, hooking up with me on a semi-regular basis is not going to prevent you from meeting your next boyfriend...Unless you tell every guy you go out with you are hooking up with another guy on a semi-regular basis.
3) dumped because she wants more, or having to do the dumping.
Honestly, this one sucks. Unrequited feelings can be really hard to get over. I know this from experience and try to prevent this situation be being honest and open. It does not work. Some women hear me say, "I don't want to get serious, this is just a fling" but still think they will win me over. If they stick around long enough, or if they totally play it cool, or if they do this or that, i'll change my mind and settle down with them. When it doesn't happen, they get hurt. Sometimes they go quietly. Sometimes not so quietly. Either way, she feels hurt.
In the end, though, it doesn't matter how they leave. They all do, and I miss every one when they are gone.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Dirty Story #1, continued
Feel free to catch up on the first half of the story and all about DirtyGirl.
We continue the story where we left off, midway through one of the longest, craziest, most unexpected nights I had with Dirty. What started off as a weeknight drink at a bar turned into a night of crazy sex with strangers, hot tubs and bear-skin rugs.
Speaking of bear skin rugs, that's where I discovered dirty. Naked, laying across the ShyGuy, also naked, in front of a romantically crackling fire. It was quite a sight, believe me. I considered leaving them alone and even started walking down the hall, but reconsidered and returned to stick my head around the corner. "Dirty, are you awake?" I whispered. She turned her head to smile at me and gestured to me to come in. I walked past her and sank into the giant beanbag where I could watch Dirty and could feel the warmth of the fire.
Dirty lifted herself off ShyGuy and crawled over to lay next to me. "We didn't have sex" she whispered in my ear, "he just wanted to lay there, but I am so fucking horny..." Dirty slid her hand under my jockeys and stroked me as ShyGuy got up, pulling on his shorts to sit near us on the couch. When Dirty pulled down my jockeys to start giving me proper attention, ShyGuy started to get up and asked if he should go.
I assured him he could stay and Dirty reached over to touch and rub him while attending to me with her other hand. Shortly, Dirty was on top of me and ShyGuy was temporarily forgotten. Once she was done having her way with me, she rolled off to lay in between ShyGuy and me.
He had been watching us, stroking himself, so Dirty took over, going down on him with enthusiasm. Ready to go again, she rolled on a condom and whispered loudly, "i'm gonna fuck you". A fact he certainly knew.
She climbed on top of ShyGuy and looked over to give me a naughty look as he slid inside her. She rode him while I watched, coming at least two times before giving up on him and collapsing on the beanbag next to me. We all slept where we were for an hour or so until light started shining in the windows.
The ShyGuy dressed and made us coffee as we rounded up strewn clothing and wandered around the house to see it in the light. There was small talk over coffee and ShyGuy offered to get us onto the ski slope for free, but we were exhausted and bid farewell. Though we all talked like we'd see each other again, we never did.
We continue the story where we left off, midway through one of the longest, craziest, most unexpected nights I had with Dirty. What started off as a weeknight drink at a bar turned into a night of crazy sex with strangers, hot tubs and bear-skin rugs.
Speaking of bear skin rugs, that's where I discovered dirty. Naked, laying across the ShyGuy, also naked, in front of a romantically crackling fire. It was quite a sight, believe me. I considered leaving them alone and even started walking down the hall, but reconsidered and returned to stick my head around the corner. "Dirty, are you awake?" I whispered. She turned her head to smile at me and gestured to me to come in. I walked past her and sank into the giant beanbag where I could watch Dirty and could feel the warmth of the fire.
Dirty lifted herself off ShyGuy and crawled over to lay next to me. "We didn't have sex" she whispered in my ear, "he just wanted to lay there, but I am so fucking horny..." Dirty slid her hand under my jockeys and stroked me as ShyGuy got up, pulling on his shorts to sit near us on the couch. When Dirty pulled down my jockeys to start giving me proper attention, ShyGuy started to get up and asked if he should go.
I assured him he could stay and Dirty reached over to touch and rub him while attending to me with her other hand. Shortly, Dirty was on top of me and ShyGuy was temporarily forgotten. Once she was done having her way with me, she rolled off to lay in between ShyGuy and me.
He had been watching us, stroking himself, so Dirty took over, going down on him with enthusiasm. Ready to go again, she rolled on a condom and whispered loudly, "i'm gonna fuck you". A fact he certainly knew.
She climbed on top of ShyGuy and looked over to give me a naughty look as he slid inside her. She rode him while I watched, coming at least two times before giving up on him and collapsing on the beanbag next to me. We all slept where we were for an hour or so until light started shining in the windows.
The ShyGuy dressed and made us coffee as we rounded up strewn clothing and wandered around the house to see it in the light. There was small talk over coffee and ShyGuy offered to get us onto the ski slope for free, but we were exhausted and bid farewell. Though we all talked like we'd see each other again, we never did.
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