Friday, May 27, 2011

Unrequested, yet somehow necessary sex advice...part 2

Women, you need to take responsibility for your orgasms.

For the most part, guys don't really know what the fuck they are doing when it comes to pleasing a woman. You can't really blame them.
Society places higher value in teaching men how to build shitty birdhouses and shoot free-throws than how to make a woman come. To make things worse (at least in the US) there's a taboo about talking about sex in general, forget about talking about the gritty details. Despite this lack of instruction, men are expected to be a proficient lover and become the target of scorn if they aren't. As a result, most men fumble along, learning a trick or two, but mostly only getting good enough that women are willing to open up the gates every now and again.

There isn't much women can do to remedy this situation, at least with the generation of men they are fucking.
I figure you have two options if you want O's on the regular:
A) Teach your guy how to fuck you properly.
B) Take charge during sex and make sure you get yourself off.

Although both of these options seem easy enough to accomplish, you can't forget there is another ego involved here....his. Because of lack of training, societal expectations, or whatever else, most men have a very fragile ego when it comes to sex. See how it goes next time you are in bed with your guy, you blatantly inform him that you want to take charge because he's not doing it right. You'll be able to watch his wood disappear.
Right or wrong, you have to deal with it and take it easy with him.

First, I don't think you should ever bring up this topic *during* sex. Too much pressure and room for misunderstanding. Turn a casual conversation about sex into "what have you always wanted me to do in bed?" You can always propose sex practice, like I suggested to men. What guy is gonna turn down that proposition?
The non-verbal feedback suggestion works as well for women as it does for men. Just keep the conversation framed as "tell me what you like and what turns you on" not "I want better sex". Otherwise, it'll be hard to keep him from thinking "she doesn't think i'm good enough in bed". Do a good job with this conversation and you'll get to 'practice' immediately.

After talking in broad strokes about what you like and what you want him to do, you need to give feedback. Of course, the best time for most feedback is in the moment. Again, using a predetermined non-verbal queue for when you like what he's doing makes this easy. Sometimes, you just need to tell him what to do: "in a bit more, now curl your finger. Feel that, right there? g-spot!" If you keep it positive and complimentary, he'll enjoy the feedback instead of feeling criticized.

Last tip: After sex is done, (minutes or hours later) stroke his ego. As long as it's sincere and not to effusive, it'll work to give him confidence and reassure him that your tips are not a critique.

Ladies, there is no reason why you can't have great sex on the regular, especially if you have a willing guy. Don't be another one of the women I hear about who never has orgasms. Take charge and help yourself out.


  1. "How tragic that we lavish money on our daughters’ educations and on after-school activities from cheerleading and Chinese brush painting to field hockey and dance; we encourage them to excel academically and to find fulfilling careers; we send them to Paris and Israel to study culture; yet we spend no time or money teaching them how to have great, healthy adult sex lives." -Kelly Cutrone

  2. I'm so glad I'm such a dominant female in the bedroom. I tell guys what I want, and how I want it. What the hell is the point???!!

  3. Wow, Paige. If all you need is sensical (non-sexy) sex advice to get you hot. I am your man.