Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Unexpected Heartbreak

It's perfectly cliche. We spent only a matter of hours together yet they were not to be forgotten any time soon.

Butterfly had me hooked inside five minutes. We were writing each other "wish you were here" messages the next morning. I was thinking about her every other moment. I told you...cliche. But it didn't matter.

Our second date was to be lunch in the city. Instead I suggested we pick up fancy cheese and fruit and head up the canyon in her borrowed jeep. It was one of those photograph moments: her hair blowing, sundress riding up her legs while she worked the clutch, as we drove in the warm sunshine. At the top we found a semi-secluded spot for a blanket and I rolled a j with some strawberry cigar papers Butterfly found somewhere. We talked, she caressed my leg as I spread gouda on crackers.
She sat on my lap and we kissed like lovers. She undid the top of her dress and put my mouth to her breasts. My hands were on her naked ass and I touched her like a lover does. I wanted to be her lover more than anything at that moment. The feeling was obviously mutual, but we knew it couldn't happen, not yet. The moment passed, we straightened our clothes and lay together in the sunshine.

That night, with butterfly's prompting, I wrote her husband an email to explain my situation, my feelings, and my intentions. It was very honest, insightful and considerate. I had high hopes that it would be well received, but was left with a nervous uneasiness, especially when he did not respond. First one day, then two. Finally the third day he replied.

It was a near complete rejection of everything I wanted. He was jealous, depressed, uncomplimentary, not at all what I expected or hoped. He was not comfortable with me dating butterfly, in fact, he wasn't comfortable with butterfly dating at all. The most he would accept was becoming platonic friends. I was crushed. Butterfly was crushed. She apologized over and over, saying she would talk to him. It didn't matter. Without his approval or at least acceptance, things would not work between us.

Before the reply, I accepted butterfly's invitation that night to shoot pool and drink some beers with her and her hubby. I was sorely tempted to cancel outright but reconsidered. I didn't want him to think I was shallow and selfish. The bar wasn't full and the pool shooting was uneventful, besides butterfly's flirting and touching driving me crazy. I wasn't sure I should return the favor in front of her man, hours after naming me persona non grata. It got worse when she talked us into watching a movie, where she rubbed my leg with her foot the entire time and put her hand under the armrest to grab my ass. After the movie, butterfly invited me back to her house to get high and hang out, but I just couldn't accept. Being high and horny and potentially alone with her would not end well. Instead, I went home to get high and have my own pity party, complete with crying through the end of a sappy movie.

I'm now in a weird limbo with butterfly; in between lovers and friends, without roadmap to get anywhere. I really have no experience to rely upon here. With regular (non-poly) dating, I always know the right play, as I've been there before and know what to expect. With this new dynamic, i'm in uncharted waters and feel like i'm blundering forward, sure to make a mess of things. The only thing I can rely on is my own feelings...and those are changing and developing day by day.

Right now, I'm not sure this endeavor is worth the effort. Even at my most optimistic, I'd give 20% odds of having a fulfilling relationship with butterfly. I certainly appreciate the time we have spent together. It has been something I never expected and will never forget.

I think i'm ready to date a hot dumb girl for a little bit.


  1. That's weird. Why would she lead you on like that when her husband is not into it. It sounds like they need better communication in that marriage. I'd see her behind his back...but that's just me.

  2. I agree on them needing better communication. I asked her why she is dating when he's not cool with it. She said he just has a problem with me dating her. He saw the immediate connection we had and was worried that he may loose her.

  3. That was heartbreaking to read. I know the pain all to well. I've had an affair (where the wife didn't know a thing) which felt different to others. I found myself getting to close and wanting him all for myself. In the end I had to break away and call it off.

    find yourself a nice little hotty to throw around for a bit. The best way to get over someone is get under someone else. Hang in there. xxx

  4. Damn honey, it sounds like heart break hotel. I'm not sure why her husband wasn't into her dating, when they DO have an open relationship??

    Good idea for a random hookup. The best way to get over someone, is find someone else (repeating Elle's words). Have fun, and keep updating :)